He splurges, she saves. He wants a shared account; she wants her independence. When it comes to couples, especially those with different monetary philosophies, finances are often a major source of strain.
As an independent woman, the very idea of sharing control of your finances can be as terrifying as bungee jumping off Bloukrans Bridge. But before you run away as fast as your power heels can carry you, consider how you define financial control. Making joint financial decisions – without relinquishing your sense of control – is part of building a healthy marriage. That’s why it’s vital that you and your spouse reach consensus on matters of money. Taking the plunge starts with open communication.
Money: Let’s talk about it
Sure, it’s not red roses and candlelit dinners, but a willingness to discuss each partner’s attitudes to money is integral to building a love that lasts. Before even contemplating marriage, you need to talk finances, about your savings habits, what you spend money on and how you approach finances in general.
Before you walk down the aisle, you need to be clear on both your financial goals and whether they’re aligned. As well as committing to love and loyalty, you need to promise to be transparent about money matters and have a plan of action when it comes to sharing financial responsibilities. Again, not the stuff romance novels are made of but key to a true happily ever after.
Reframing the issue
Ultimately collaborating on money matters is not a matter of control, it’s about partnership. Gone are the days where meek, perfect housewives leave the finances to their manly, breadwinner husbands. We know better than anyone that the old rules no longer apply. It’s when your partner is in fact using money as power, that you should be running in the opposite direction.
What’s more, being dependent on one’s husband to make all the financial decisions is a surefire way to jeopardise your relationship. The fact is that in instances of divorce, statistics show that it’s women who take the biggest financial knock, whereas men often thrive. And, women tend to outlive men leaving them not only emotionally devastated when their husbands pass but also financially bereft if they’ve always left the money matters to “the man of the house”.
This is also damaging to said husbands, as the pressure to maintain the finances and any mistakes they make in this regard can be debilitating. Ultimately marriage is about sharing the load – of abundance, financial difficulty, heartache and joy.
WHERE TO START:
As boring as it may seem, you need to understand what you are spending your money on. What are you NEEDS, WANTS And How much are you going to save for Future you.
In short 50% should go to your Needs – like rates and taxes, medical aid etc
30% should go to your Wants – like holidays, coffee, wine, dinners out and savings for a house one day – this is where the majority of us overspend as we tend to confuse this with Needs. But be ruthless in this and really think about what a Need and a want is. After all a nut is a nut whether you buy it at Woolies or Checkers
20% should go to future you – the person you will be when you retire one day
And lastly you should have an emergency fund of 3 to 6 months savings that you can access at any stage. You need one… and your hubby/ partner needs one.
If your Budget doesn’t fit into this- well then you are likely to be overspending and you are probably going to go into debt.
Putting this on the charts prior to walking down the aisle means that you have tangible goals tha you are working towards. So if you decide to have kids and one of you decides not to work – well understand what that plan is.
Doing it this way rather than moaning at your other half about splurging is far, far better – why?… well we all like to splurge, but none of us like to be without money. So understand the plan – its okay if you sway from it… so long as you come back to it.
As such the last element here is to make a plan to check in once a month or once every 3months and see how things are going. No – one will control the finances then… and things like school waterpolo trips / or family holidays can easily be budgeted for.
