Romance and…money? You and your significant other can talk about anything, but when it comes to finances, you simply steer clear. Here’s how to broach the subject – and limit the fallout.
Are you having heart palpitations at the mere thought of asking your beloved financial questions? Sure, money is a not common first date conversation fodder – unless you’re unsure of who’s paying the bill – but being able to discuss finances is the foundation of any lasting relationship. Use these tips to start a constructive conversation about money.
1.Start out casual
In a very new relationship there’s no need to interrogate one another’s pension plans and funeral policies – creepy much? But knowing how you each approach finances is part of establishing whether you have similar values. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, slip casual money topics into everyday conversation.
2. Plan the talk
Consider what you really want to know and establish a neutral way to ask questions. Is he a saver? Ask: ‘Are you saving up for anything exciting?’ What’s his attitude to money? Ask about how his parents handled finances, which likely impacts his approach.
3. Focus on the future
Things getting serious? Look to the future instead of focusing past mistakes. Ask: ‘Do you want to buy or rent? What are your short and long-term goals?’ If your plans align, you’re onto something.
4. Keep an open mind
Everyone’s approaches to money are different to some extent so be non-judgmental, stay neutral and try to understand your partner’s motivations.
5. Own your concerns
He blows thousands on fancy meals but can’t pay off his credit card. You’re a saver. If you have real worries about your partner’s approach to money, own them. Express how they make you feel. Yet remember the importance of…
6. R.E.S.P.E.C.T
Sing it sister! Don’t be accusatory, rather work towards a solution together. Keep an open mind. Respect is vital on both sides.
7. Set shared financial goals
Saving up for a fun trip together or, later, for a deposit on an apartment is part of creating a solid financial partnership… with benefits. It also gives money positive associations, which bodes well for a future of shared financial planning.
8. Be honest
Don’t pretend to be frugal when you’ve been in debt since you first discovered the concept of credit. Lying will only create bigger problems later. Similarly, give your partner a safe space to share his financial challenges.
9. Team up
Admitting problems and committing to solving them in a realistic and mutually acceptable way is key to building trust. Both of you should contribute suggestions to find a compromise.
10. Ask a professional
A third-party who understands the financial world can separate emotion from monetary conflicts, helping couples to blend their personal styles and build solid strategies.
SOURCES:
https://www.ellevest.com/magazine/family-relationships/married-with-money
https://www.ellevest.com/magazine/family-relationships/money-talk-relationship-finances
https://www.standardbank.co.za/southafrica/personal/learn/talking-to-your-partner-about-finances
https://www.investopedia.com/how-to-talk-about-money-with-partner-8612447